


)(opelessly in lovve

by twii2ted_8333335



Series: )(opelessly in lovve [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Brotherly Love, F/M, Humanstuck, Love Confessions, M/M, Other, Sad with a Happy Ending, Sadstuck, Sibling Love, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-11
Updated: 2014-08-11
Packaged: 2018-02-12 18:37:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2120505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twii2ted_8333335/pseuds/twii2ted_8333335
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At some point during that change from thirteen to sixteen, you noticed something. Several somethings, in fact. You noticed the way Feferi's eyes lit up a little when she made it through a sentence without emphasizing her H's too harshly. You noticed when she switched to thick rimmed glasses because wearing goggles so often for swim team had forced her to grow accustom to that feeling around her eyes. You noticed the care she took in brushing her hair the morning after sleep overs. You noticed the curves of her growing body and the way her clothing accented each one so perfectly. You noticed how beautiful she was. You noticed that you were <i> absolutely head over heels for her. </i></p>
            </blockquote>





	)(opelessly in lovve

**Author's Note:**

> I tried, I really did. I'm extremely confident about it for once. I'm even posting this without anyone reading it first (so I'm sorry for any typos because of that too). I hope you like it as much as I do. Thanks for reading ♥

You hated that you winced when you moved. Though it was covered by your shirt, you did have a bandaged wound that you would prefer to keep hidden from your best friend. This was not the time to worry over an injury you'd already treated. You needed to worry over the scar that would be left if your plan didn't go the way you dreamed it would.

You had known Feferi for a majority of your life. Your older siblings were acquainted at least and often spent time together if only out of boredom. You really weren't sure how Cronus and Meenah's relationship worked nor had you really cared after discovering that you hit it off pretty well with Feferi. The two of you were inseparable all through your childhood and up to your preteens. Granted things got a little rocky once you hit age thirteen but the quarrels you had were over legitimate reasons. You were a little clingy as far as emotions and people went, and she did admit to her own flaws. You both tried to fix yourselves accordingly; you found other people to speak with — and though you loved Karkat, one of your online friends, to death, you really could have done without meeting Sollux, who Karkat had introduced you to and who also lived in your city — while she tried to tone down the intensity of her emotions and help you control yours. Two years you had struggled to become better people for the sake of each other. Three years had passed since you were thirteen.

At some point during that change from thirteen to sixteen, you noticed something. Several somethings, in fact. You noticed the way Feferi's eyes lit up a little when she made it through a sentence without emphasizing her H's too harshly. You noticed when she switched to thick rimmed glasses because wearing goggles so often for swim team had forced her to grow accustom to that feeling around her eyes. You noticed the care she took in brushing her hair the morning after sleep overs. You noticed the curves of her growing body and the way her clothing accented each one so perfectly. You noticed how beautiful she was. You noticed that you were _absolutely head over heels for her_.

So you had made a decision: to summon up the courage with magic — that totally didn't exist — and confess your feelings to her. You knew exactly how you would do it too. This summer, when your family went to visit the beach.house your father owned, you'd use your time to collect things for Feferi. She loved the ocean and all the wonders in it, from coral to sharks to seashells to Manta rays, but she hardly ever got to go. From where you lived, any beaches were a bit of lengthy drive away and with her not having the luxury you did for once, it would be a little too expensive. Not that they didn't have money — just not enough to pay for all of that every year. Therefore it would be the perfect plan to give her presents from your trip to the place she loved.

You would need the perfect gift for this perfect plan though. While you were out on your family vacation you spent most of your time in the water for once. You often ignored the surprised looks from your brother and father, focused and determined truly _happy_ to be doing this. There were days in the beginning when you had very little luck with even thinking up a good idea but the more you saw beneath the water's surface, the better you became at picking presents. You found several unique looking shells, so unlike the ones that washed up on the beach; you found yourself taking pictures of scenery and fish that you couldn't take back with you. You found yourself piling on the small gifts until you could find one that was absolutely flawless.

You found that gift the last month you were there. The three of you had all decided to swim, letting go of all worries and cares in the waters that felt like a second home. You didn't try looking for more presents. Cronus didn't tease you about your obvious crush. Your father said very little to either of you, as always, but more than once you caught him smiling as you and Cronus roughhoused with each other.

At some point during the day, you found a cave beneath the water. When you looked into the mouth, you could see a small tunnel, jagged with rocks and dangerous if you had little control over your moments in water, but short enough to take away from some of the risk. You and Cronus both swam through without a hitch, your father staying behind to relax in the water for a while. The area you had come to was beautiful. Your own little private beach, with small rivers and a largely sandy area. The two of you explored, together and on your own, sharing discoveries and goofing off in ways you could hardly remember doing before. It had been so long since you had bonded with your brother like this, the six year age difference often off putting. 

You found it a little ways inland, setting there half covered in sand, partially opened. A stray clam or maybe oyster — it was hard to tell at first — that must have washed in through high tides or stormy weather. It wasn't unusual. All sorts of places were thrown out of whack during storms especially sea storms. Clam or oyster or even snail, once you picked it up and caught a glimpse of it's contents, you didn't care what it was. Broken shelled was what it was. Holding a pink pearl was what it was. Round and shiny and beautiful — this was the gift you would give to Feferi, you knew it. 

You held tightly onto your find, shell and all, deciding to leave with Cronus not long after that. He went through the small cave first, waiting by it's entrance for you. Adrenaline and happiness buzzed through your body, making your movements while swimming much told quick and uncoordinated. You were much too excited to have been going through that cave. Before you could adjust yourself to avoid it, you were on a collision course with one of the sharper edges of the cave. For a split moment, you remember thinking maybe it would only graze your arm or leg, but when you felt pain explode from your stomach and water fill your mouth as you screamed, you realized that was wishful thinking.

Your memory was patchy at best between the time Cronus and your father got you out of there and the time you woke up in the hospital for more than just a few minutes. You would live, thankfully, but the remainder of your vacation would be spent recovering in the hospital. The doctors said you were lucky that you hadn't been split in half — even luckier that no major nerve endings had been hit. You wouldn't be paralyzed, wouldn't have too serious of a time recovering. Lots of rest and not moving once you were out of here. 

You still had your secret find clenched tightly in your hand.

It took you more than that month to get dismissed from the hospital. You needed too many medications and you were still in that stage where everything hurt and you'd be bored at home, but you were eventually allowed to leave. On the way home Cronus told you his arms had gotten pretty banged up too. Your father hadn't left unscathed either. You felt awful for causing so much trouble when everything had been flowing so smoothly.

You felt just as awful for lying to Feferi and saying you were staying there an extra two weeks when really you were just recovering and mentally preparing yourself. You were going to do this, wound or no wound, and as the date you asked Feferi to meet you at one of her favorite spots around here — a small creek side that had several small and large rocks perfect for sitting on — approached, you found yourself growing stronger and more confident. Still in too much pain to be off of the meds but emotionally strong all the same.

So here you were now, the pink pearl you had gone through so much strife to find perched on a small bed of shells you'd glued together in your boredom. The pinks and blues and greens accepted Feferi's choices of clothing, including her favorite skirt, the long flowing one that she adored. Your meds were wearing off, your body trembling from both the increasing pain and the thought that she may deny you. She hadn't spoken in so long, not even after you forced yourself to say, "I lov-ve you. I just w-wanted to sho-show that somehow-w." Your voice was trembling, you were so nervous and hurting so badly. It made your stammering worse than normal in your opinion.

"Eridan..."

 _Shit_.

"I really... appreciate the gesture..."

_Shit shit shit **shit.**_

"...and I'm really sorry but I don't... return your feelings for me..."

You heaved a shaky sigh, forcing yourself to swallow. Slowly, you lowered your hands, resting the tops of them on the bare rock face between your bodies. You knew it. The entire day you knew you should have marched yourself back to your house and kept this inside. Amporas never had luck with love and you thought you could be the exception to that rule, that you wouldn't be like your father who lost his one love or your brother who was constantly rejected by the people he tried making moves on. You thought you could make this work. You tried so hard and yet you still failed. Story of your life.

Taking a deep breath, you lifted your hands back up, forcing yourself not to shake. Feferi blinked at you in confusion. "I still w-want you to hav-have this. It's still yours and I still w-would like you to take it as a gift. A friend to friend gift if nothing else." She didn't speak, probably afraid of making the situation even worse for you, but did accept your present, cradling it close to her. You knew that even if she didn't enjoy the proclamation that went along with it, she still loved the present itself and that made the pain a little more bearable. Seeing her happy, seeing that you made her happy, made it all just a little more bearable.

She left you not long after that, thanking you and apologizing and giving you a kiss to your temple. You were a little grateful that she was gone now; you had a little bit of alone time before your brother would come pick you up. 

You may have cried a little. Just one or two tears that you couldn't bare to hold back any longer. You wiped them away when you heard a car pull up nearby but you suspected Cronus had seen anyway. He said nothing if he did, simply helped you back to the car and then to home.

Once again you found yourself spending an unusual amount of time with your elder brother. He borderline coddled you the rest of the day, spoiled you by getting you drinks and food when asked with no complaints, no snarky remarks. He stayed on the couch with you and watched the history channel, actually making questions when he was curious or confused enough. You were more than happy to answer. 

You had nearly forgotten about your failed proclamation of love by the end if the day. Cronus had distracted you so well that he was what you had focused on.

When you were hobbling stiffly to bed, your one arm around his shoulders, you thanked him for everything he had done for you today.

In response he said, "Nah, it's not a big deal. Bros gotta stay together in times of need." Then softer, he added, "I kno-" He paused, huffing. Stuttering was definitely a family trait and your brother's was terrible. V's and W's were especially hard for him. "-know v-what it's like to not hav-have your first crush v-work out." He looked at you with sad eyes that you suspected reflected your own. You didn't remember too well about the first crush Cronus had, the first real crush. He'd had two before him but he never counted Meenah anymore and Latula made it clear very quickly that she was only interested in Mituna. Kankri had been a mystery to you. Their encounters had been secret and carefully planned, hidden from both the Ampora and Vantas family. Supposedly it wouldn't have never worked out.

"It's gonna hurt for a v—" You swore he was holding off on a curse from all his screw ups. "— _while_. It's gonna be alright ew-eventually." You knew he was still shaken up from the idea of Kankri but he was a lot better than he had been. You hoped you could be that way too. 

You thanked him again and for the first time since you were very young and still had nightmares about the "spider witch" from elementary school who turned into the "spider bitch" in high school, you asked if he would stay in your room that night. It was a little cramped but you made do. 

You fell asleep in the arms of someone who truly loved you, emotionally and physically over exhausted, but happier than you had been hours beforehand.


End file.
